I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
