That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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