Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
it glows. i had to have it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
