R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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