So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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