it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I checked into jail on foursquare
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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