Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
