"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
