On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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