I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
