I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
