We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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