tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
