You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
