I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize