My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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