you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
