i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
