he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
