theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
