If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
