i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
