Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
