The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
