when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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