So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize