I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She even gives head with a lisp.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Holy sore nipples Batman
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
