I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
