Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
