I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
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