R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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