i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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