Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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