Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
