I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize