the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
