when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
