Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
