I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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