and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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