I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
