maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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