Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
