Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Small penises have feelings too.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
