I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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