i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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