i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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