somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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