She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
