perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
