I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize