You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
