it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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