Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize