let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
