I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
