I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
