How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Randomize
