he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
