Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
