well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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