What a fucking waste of an outfit
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
