Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
