Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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