id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
