I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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