toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
