Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
